Since this little intruder popped up in my boob and my life turned into a science fiction movie, my perspective has shifted on a number of things.
First of all, my already strong distaste for “breast cancer pink” has been heightened. More than ever, I feel that everyone with breast cancer is tied together by this awful pink ribbon and placed on a stage for society to look at. The purpose of this is to evoke certain emotions of fear and pity, while simultaneously getting people to open their wallets and donate money. Don’t get me wrong, money for research is fantastic. Research makes this cancer more survivable than ever. For that, I am grateful. For me personally, I would much prefer to be represented by camouflage than pink ribbons. I want to be represented by something that symbolizes strength of mind and body. Something that demonstrates that I am not a weak little victim wearing a head scarf.
Enough of that rant.
The second thing that surprised me in all of this was my immediate need to make sense of it all. That’s where God comes into it. I’ve always believed in something, what that is, I’m still not really certain, but there is something that I can’t see that has a strong influence on how things go. I believe we all have a little bit of that “God energy” in us (maybe that’s the soul?). When we pray or wish or whatever we do, that energy goes somewhere. Since this started, I have felt stronger than I ever thought I could be, and I attribute that to the outpouring of love that has been sent my way. Love is powerful.
The other thing that shifted was my need to find the bright side to things. I’ve always done this to an extent, but when you get blown up on a landmine and things feel bleak and you have nothing to look forward to, you absolutely have to change your thinking. The silver lining:
My family has been completely disjointed and spread out for several years. This is going to bring everyone together and make us closer than ever.
If I have to lose my hair, atleast I can get a beautiful wig with my dream hair. I know my hair is pretty, but it’s such a pain to manage.
If I have to be on Tamoxifen for 3-5 years and I have to put off having kids, I’m going to take the opportunity to go on some awesome trips and have some adventures.
I am much stronger than I thought. I don’t think I would know that if not for this.
I believe I have a guardian angel that made my tumor hurt (breast cancer doesn’t typically hurt) so that I would pay attention and catch it early. I have so much more I want to do with my life for myself and for others.
That’s all for now.