I could hear the rumbling of the cancer storm in the distance. I knew it wouldn’t be long before it rolled in. I figured I had about one more week to enjoy the clear skies and sunshine.
I excused my dark thoughts for the afternoon and ventured out for a day like many others. I got in my car and drove. I sang along with the radio. I went to some shops and walked around, allowing my surroundings to distract my senses.
I decided I should have some ice cream. I went into Cold Stone and ordered chocolate with peanut butter and brownies… my favorite. I sat on a bench in the middle of The Promenade and watched people go about their normal lives, looking forward to the day when I can have that back. Then the phone rang. A number I don’t know. Shit.
The woman on the other end of the phone informed me that Dr. C requested an MRI. That’s weird, why would I need another MRI? I confirmed the appointment and then called the nurse navigator. So much for my pleasant, cancer-free afternoon.
Dr. C called me back. Apparently the radiologist was reviewing my images and found a questionable spot on my first MRI. If it’s still there we will need to biopsy it. Also, the Mammoprint test came back confirming that chemotherapy will be necessary.
The next morning I went to the cancer center for my MRI. I didn’t need to take a Xanax this time… I guess I’m becoming a seasoned pro with some of these unfavorable tasks.
Judy (my eventual future mother-in-law) and I decided to make the best of the day, even though cancer clouds, and actual storm clouds, were making their way directly toward us. We had a nice lunch then engaged in some retail therapy. The rain began to pour down and lightening and thunder raged in the distance as plans were made for my port to be surgically placed on Monday.
I missed a call from Dr. C and she left a vague message on my voicemail about the results of the MRI being in. It’s not usually a good thing if they would prefer to tell you instead of your answering service.
We continued to walk around the mall, attempting to focus on the beautiful things before us. I waited and waited for the phonecall that would tell me what I already knew in my heart.
That call didn’t come until hours later when I finally returned home, but atleast it came. Dr. C is good about not letting pending test results ruin your weekend. And so, I have another spot in my breast, a little bit over from where the first spot was. It will need to be biopsied. We will find out if it’s more cancer, and of it is, what kind? It is likely to be the same kind, but we need to be sure before we proceed. I pray that it’s the same. I pray that I can keep with the chemo plan that I’ve convinced my self is best. The biopsy will be Tuesday.
Cancer sucks. I never expected to go through these motions again so quickly, but atleast this time around I’m better prepared.
I am grateful to be working with a team of doctors that are so vigilant and thorough. I am also appalled and angered by the fact that my first MRI was seen by two other teams of doctors and nobody questioned the suspicious spot. If I had stayed with Dr. S I could have gone all through treatment and radiation and had my sneaky little tumors’ partner hiding in the back, plotting his next move.
I am feeling strongly that a double mastectomy with reconstruction is in my future.
Some days I stop and look and my life and I can’t believe that it’s real. But better days are ahead. I am going to fight through this nightmare and come out on the other side stronger because of it.
Just watch me.