Relief

​Since I ended up back in the diagnostic phase of this whole ordeal, my anxiety has been working in overdrive. The fear has edged it’s way in, ever so slightly. It’s doing it’s best to take residence in my subconscious, infiltrating my dreams, and startling me awake. 

I’ve taken measures to deter the anxiety. I try my best to stay busy and positive in the midst of everything. I’ve given up on Dr. Google and the cancer groups. It also helps tremendously to focus on my cancer rather than breast cancer.  

Despite all that, the seed of anxiety began to grow into a weed over the last couple of days in anticipation for my appointment with the oncologist today. I guess on some level I was having flashbacks to feelings of terror that arose from my interactions with the first doctors. 

I am so grateful to have a doctor whose presence feels like a warm hug. 

Today’s appointment brought my anxiety level down tremendously. 

  1. Dr. C is the most upbeat, confident doctor I’ve ever met. I quite literally trust her with my life.
  2. My full genetic panel came back. I do not have any genetic mutations related to any of the breast cancer related genes. I have a “variation” on a gene not related to breast cancer, which basically means that the sequence is a little out of order, but they don’t have enough research on it to say anything definitively about it.
  3. I still need to have a biopsy. They are going to try to get it through MRI. If that doesn’t work I have to have it surgically taken. That would mean anesthesia #4… but honestly, I think I’d rather be knocked out for the biopsy anyway.
  4. Dr. C set me up for my chemo training for TC. It’s basically a crash course of what medication to take for what side effects. 
  5. TC Chemo is scheduled to begin August 18th as long as there’s no surprises in the biopsy.

I feel better. 

Now it’s time to focus on the good, pray that this spot is nothing or the same thing, and try to relax just as much as my brain will allow. 

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