There’s nothing more to do. No more tests to wait on. No more procedures to complete. All that’s left is to hurry up and wait for chemo to begin on August 18th.
Six rounds of Taxotere and Cytoxan to be given every 3 weeks. I should be finished the first week of December.
I hope that the anticipation is far worse than what’s to come. I feel as though I am hiding from a monster that knows exactly where I am and is waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and get me, but I guess that’s what Xanax is for.
Anyway, here’s what I’ve learned about these drugs…
First of all, Taxotere is a “natural” chemo drug. It comes from the Pacific yew tree. I’m going to pretend that it’s organic chemo. For some reason, it makes me feel a little better.
Taxotere slows or stops cell division, and keeps enzymes from making the proteins that cells need to grow. Cytoxan stops cancer cells from replicating.
I am armed with an arsenal of medications to ward off the side effects of these highly “stupid drugs”; anti-nausea meds, magic mouthwash for possible mouth sores, vitamins for neuropathy, and all sorts of other drugs. Above all else, it would seem that staying hydrated is the key to warding off much of the misery.
Despite the chemo training I was given and all the research I’ve done on my own, I can’t help but feel like nothing can truly prepare a person for this experience. I feel like I’m being eaten alive by my worries and fears. Will I tolerate the chemo well? What if I have an allergic reaction? How often will I feel sick? How much will this affect my ability to maintain my normal routines? Will I be ok?
I picked my poison and next week I must show up to drink it. Atleast I have the antidote, guaranteed to revive:
Trust your instincts.
Stay active and enjoy the endorphins.
Let love in… and heal.