Hair, Part 2

Cancer brings with it so many terrible things; fear, surgery, chemo, shots, bills, interruptions, pain
I didn’t realize that losing my hair would top my list as the very worst part of cancer. 

The mass suicide of healthy, growing hair has not yet commenced, but yesterday came a step in the process that I deemed to be very necessary. I sacrificed about a foot of my very long hair in order to donate it before the fallout caused masses of tangled, matted curls. 

Years of hair growth, gone in a matter of minutes. I was with my sister so I was happy. I didn’t cry. Instead we laughed about the fact that I have obscenely thick hair and it took her 2 hours to even everything out. It was even funnier to think that before long she would be shaving off that 2 hour haircut.

It took a few hours and a very quick shower to realize that I hate having short hair. 

Today I was definitely mourning the loss. I walked around work under a dark cloud with my hair in a very small bun.

I texted my wise friend, Jackie, who reminded me that, “Hair isn’t about hair, it’s about identity. It may help to remember who you are — hair or no hair.”

So, I’m self imposing a little mental exercise. Who am I?… Hair or no hair.

  • I have a big open heart. 
  • I am a highly sensitive person… sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. Sometimes I take criticism too hard or over analyze situations.
  • I am an observer, which people often confuse with shy. I see people and the world around me for the beauty that they hold.
  • I’m an optimist.
  • I am strong, physically and mentally.
  • I am an adventurer. Sometimes I surprise myself with how far I can/will go.
  • I love nature and animals. They make me happy.
  • I love to help and fix and do good. I love my job and my kids.
  • I am creative. 
  • I am talented.
  • I am intelligent.
  • I am naive to much of the negative in the world… maybe I do that subconsciously, I don’t know.

That feels better.

Another thing that feels better is seeing myself in my wig. My dream hair wig. It’s exactly what I have always wanted my own hair to look a little more like. A little thinner. A little less crazy. A little bit looser curls. 

I feel like me. And so, I’m playing with my fake hair. Trying out a new “beachy wave” scrunching spray. The way I would with my own hair. 

I feel better.

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14 thoughts on “Hair, Part 2

  1. Very insightful post! I’m sure there will be days when you hate the whole hair “thing.” Though, as you so aptly said, you are so much more than your hair and for that I’m grateful. The world is a much kinder, sweeter world because of you. And for that I am grateful. Hair or no hair! Love you!

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  2. Sarah, yes, you are blessed with beautiful hair. Actually beautiful eyes, a smile that can light up a room, a great figure and need I go on and on. But mostly, my dear Sarah, you have been blessed with a very big heart. And that, to me, is your most beautiful feature. The hair thing sucks (but the showers are quick). I do understand how you feel and am not minimizing it in any way. Brian cautioned me that it was not the hair loss that would bother me as much as people’s reaction to it. It is your announcement to the world that you have the big “C”
    Walk proudly with you new do and your scarves and wigs, because you, Sarah Smith, are what others should aspire to be. Stay strong…… You have a whole team behind you. I could not love you more.

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  3. I saw you today and didn’t even notice your “small” bun! Your smile and “sparkly” personality are much bigger! I love your wig and your blog inspires me!! XOXO
    Laura

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