September 29th marked the halfway point of chemo. It feels as though I’m on cruise control. There are no surprises. I show up on Thursday, they take my blood. We hear about how my counts are going down, as they do when you receive chemo. We sit around and eat and chat until the bags run dry. Friday, I go to work. Saturday, I feel crappy. Sunday, I feel less crappy. Monday, I go back to work.
I have a nice layer of fuzz on my head that’s about 3/4 of an inch long, though most of the hair has fallen out. I’m still shaving my legs, just much less frequently. I also still have about 85% of my eyelashes. No neuropathy and no nail discoloration. Hopefully it stays that way.
There are some things I miss. I miss sushi. I miss the gym. I miss being able to put my hair up. I would like this port out of my chest. I miss freely drinking wine and taking hot baths (I still do these things, just much less often). I miss not having medical bills.
In other news, hurricane Matthew terrorized Florida as it loomed in the Caribbean. We took the warnings seriously, packed up the kitties and headed to Brian’s mom’s house. We all sat around watching tv and listening to the wind whip by. We got a few splatters of rain here and there and waited for the power to go out. It never did. We were very lucky to come out unscathed by the storm, especially considering the devastation seen in north Florida and Haiti.
Aside from that, I have recently found myself stuck in a hole, buried by stress. Stress from work. Stress from the wedding. Stress from cancer. Brian has helped me to dig myself out and find my sunshine again. It’s been hard to write from under such a big rain cloud.
The wedding stress caught me by surprise. I guess the initial excitement of being engaged has worn off and now I see it for what it costs (weddings are ridiculously expensive!). It’s so hard to feel good about spending money on a wedding when I receive cancer bills almost daily. It’s hard to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding when a house has been our dream for years. There are also so many opinions and requests coming from every corner of my world. Some good friends have helped me to remember that this wedding is about what’s important to me and Brian, not everyone else. So that’s what we’re going to do. We will plan a wedding that is authentically us.
That’s all for now.
3 down. 3 to go.