October

Back in May, God/The Universe/Life made the decision to pluck me from my world and place me into a new one. This new world comes with a pair of binders, blocking out the vastness of life. All I can see are the intricacies of a world dictated by cancer.

Even though I’ve done my best to keep myself engaged in my “normal” life, it often feels like I am participating from behind some sort of barrier. I manipulate my world through a pair of arm holes. I utilize a body costume that doesn’t function in quite the same way as the original did. 

I’m beginning to notice some of the cumulative effects of chemo. I’m feeling slightly more fatigued than I normally do. When I exercise, it takes longer for my muscles to recuperate and my stamina sucks. While my taste buds remain unaltered, eating is not as pleasurable because my stomach can become irritated more easily with heartburn and other minor Pepto Bismol cured ailments. And just yesterday, I noticed some white rings growing out on my finger nails, one for each round of chemo I’ve endured. The third one is probably just under my nail beds. I’m like an old tree.

Notice the white rings…

With so many distractions, I often forget what’s going on in the world around me. This month I was pleasantly surprised by 2 days off of work. I forgot about the start of fall until the weather went from unbearably hot to just hot. I also forgot that October was breast cancer awareness month. 

From the first days of my diagnosis I was made aware of how in your face this month is to women who are living with the disease. In reality, I totally forgot it was October and egocentrically assumed that all of the ribbons and pink were synchronously placed in my world. 

My first direct encounter happened last week when I went into Jamba Juice and was asked to donate a dollar for breast cancer research. How could I say no?! So, I wrote my name on a pink slip of paper for the wall and donated a dollar (to myself). 

I wonder if these places would give me a breast cancer awareness discount if I took off my wig and showed them my port…?

In real life, I love October. So far, I’ve enjoyed some delicious pumpkin treats and the delectable smell of my cinnamon candle. I am most looking forward to Halloween so I can take advantage of Hilary’s wardrobe of wigs!  

That’s all. Happy October!

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2 thoughts on “October

  1. Hang in there Sarah. You are so beautiful, inside and out. I always struggled with October, but not this year. This year I see all the pink and think of all the support that surrounds you. I admire you in many ways. But, today, and every day since your world has changed, I admire your mental toughness and tenacity. You remain my “rock star.” Love you….

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