Christmas TIME

Most of the time, especially when you’re young, you sit comfortably with the notion that all of your tomorrows are promised. We fill our calendars with plans for the next week, the next month, the next year… but what if the part that we cannot see is that the calendar will end prematurely? Or what if we get sick? What if we get injured? What if something happens that forces a major calendar overhaul? 

The trouble is you think you have time.

I think I’ve been more aware of this truth than most people my age. For example, from early on, I knew that when I selected a career, I needed to invest my time in something that not only yielded a profit of money, but profits of pleasure and philanthropy as well. Time is too precious to spend it doing something that makes you unhappy or doesn’t reflect your worth.

This year flew by, despite the soul sucking, time sucking challenges that were thrown my way. I made sure to savor my Christmas experience this year. Back in October I started watching Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. We got a (pathetic, mini) Christmas tree on Thanksgiving night. I put up my decorations early. I baked millions of chocolate chip cookies. I made sure not to let the season pass me by.

Christmas eve was wonderful. Brian worked half the day. I made us some Christmas fettuccini for dinner and we shared a bottle of wine. Christmas day was low key and filled with love. We spent the morning with Brian’s family and the evening with mine. 

Upon arriving at my sister’s for dinner, something happened in my heart that I didn’t expect. It was like the thin, protective wall that I had built up to protect myself cracked. Warmth began to spill out, reaching the tips of my toes to the top of my head. Feelings of gratitude, pain, fondness, fear, joy, and love, mixing together. Beautifully bittersweet.

When you’ve spent parts of your year fearing for your life, fearing an untimely separation from the ones you love, time like that becomes more valuable than gold.

I’m not sure why cancer happened to me. I believe these things happen to teach us something. Plenty of people have been touched by my cancer, each of which has their own lesson to learn. All I know is this:

Stop and smell the roses.

Time you enjoy wasting isn’t really wasted. 

Don’t put things off for too long.

Be happy.

Love hard.

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