It was the end of the longest day I’ve ever known.
We watched you leave your broken body behind… and we followed. Us and you, departing into separate darkness.
My body holds the truth within every cell. It is riddled with grief and tangled in knots. My mind, on the other hand, has locked itself away in a tiny room with paper-thin walls.
My safe room where I cannot feel.
Everything looks the same. I go about business as usual, but something doesn’t feel right. Colors are dull. Food is without taste. I cannot focus. I cannot rest.
On sleepless nights, I press my ear against the wall to hear whispers of truth.
She is gone, never to return.
Never to paint.
Never to talk and laugh.
We have to go through her belongings.
It was so fast.
I can’t listen anymore. I want to go home. I cover my ears and pretend you’re just away on the road.
I’m afraid of the towering wave of grief that awaits me. An all encompassing wave of reality and truth. A new way of being that I never wanted to learn.
Take deep breaths. Take one day at a time… that’s what you would say.