It was the end of the longest day I’ve ever known.  

We watched you leave your broken body behind… and we followed. Us and you, departing into separate darkness. 

Bittersweet abandon. 

My body holds the truth within every cell. It is riddled with grief and tangled in knots. My mind, on the other hand, has locked itself away in a tiny room with paper-thin walls. 

My safe room where I cannot feel. 

Everything looks the same. I go about business as usual, but something doesn’t feel right. Colors are dull. Food is without taste. I cannot focus.  I cannot rest. 

On sleepless nights, I press my ear against the wall to hear whispers of truth. 

She is gone, never to return. 

Never to paint. 

Never to talk and laugh.

We have to go through her belongings.

It was so fast. 

I can’t listen anymore. I want to go home. I cover my ears and pretend you’re just away on the road.

I’m afraid of the towering wave of grief that awaits me. An all encompassing wave of reality and truth. A new way of being that I never wanted to learn. 

Take deep breaths.  Take one day at a time… that’s what you would say. 

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4 thoughts on “The Other Side of the Wall

  1. I have read this post a dozen times and I’m at a loss for words. Knowing that I will be walking in your shoes, in the near future scares me beyond words. You are not alone as I will not be. You are loved by so many but nobody can take your pain away. I’ve learned a lot from your mom in a very short time. For that, I am forever grateful. But you, being a part of her have taught me much about life as well. So, Sarah, she left us with a lot.

    Like

  2. Sometimes a day seems too long and unbearable. Think of it as one minute at a time for seconds at a time, whatever gets you through the day. And remember you are never ever alone. Love you. XOXOXOX

    Liked by 1 person

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